Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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