He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
my liver is dry heaving
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize