I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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