letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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