i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
