I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
