she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
