and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
