So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
