i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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