I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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