I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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