I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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