so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
