i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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