i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I wear drunk well.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
