Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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