Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
