it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
