Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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