return my video game
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
