I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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