she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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