I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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