lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
