he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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