i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
