I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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