barbara walters just said penis...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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