If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
