you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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