It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
