I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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