She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
