Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
