just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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