my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize
