Yo dont text me then not text me
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize