she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
