We should be called the Road Head Warriors
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
