His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
