the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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