I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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