Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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