Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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