worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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