shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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