Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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