There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
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