my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize