soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
