Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Found your dick twin last night
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize