So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
There was a lot of him and a little penis
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
