I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
