First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
