Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
you never un-have a 4some
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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