For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
