I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
