she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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