I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
