My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
