dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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