'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
