MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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