not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I did not marry a roomba.
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