Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
