i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize