do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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